Sorrow

I was in utter shock as I listened to the announcement of the sudden death of Heath Ledger. What attracted me to the actor was that he was a non conformist in the grand scheme of Hollywood glitz, glamour, and fake a$$ people. Unfortunately he was attacked and scrutinized for it.

Other actors have gone under the radar and have succeeded in avoiding the often overly critical media such as Johnny Depp. We go on with our every day lives and something tragic like this happens. It is hard to process and make sense of it. He was becoming more recognized as an actor and was a young father. There seemed to be so much hope for him......

In any case, I went downtown to pay homage to the actor. Outside his apartment there were hundreds of colorful origami cranes sprinkled on the side walk. Notes were written in different languages, cards never to be opened, letters, candles and flowers all to be later forgotten. I left a green aventurine stone, the color symbolic of healing as a peace offering. Aventurine is said to be an 'all purpose healing stone' and helps with blockages. Of the chakra colors - green represents the heart/love. It helps one 'give love and also to love and nurture ourselves.'

(from left - Mathilda, Ree, Maria, Kevin, Me and honorary member Cece)

Filipinos Gone Wild Class of 2004 Reunion

2004 was undeniably a memorable year for us. Without revealing too much about our wild nights of debauchery I will say those nights have been the glue to our friendships. I may not be close to all of them but we have a supportive and loving comradeship. Four years later who would have thought that three of the four ladies (minus CeCe who is kneeling in the picture) would be mamas.

Mathilda flew in from Chicago, which was the main reason we all found ourselves in the same space and damn it - it was worth an entire day away from Noah. Though I might add a long overdue 'me' day.

As a matter of facts earlier the same marathon day I met up with Kevin at our regular spot, Jing Fong in Chinatown for dim sum. I did not tell him that I had a special guest joining us. Minutes later a set of unfamiliar hands rested over his closed eyes. His reaction was priceless as he squealed and yelled out, 'oh my gawd - oh my gawd!' I have always enjoyed bringing an element of surprise, what can I say?! Kevin had not seen Math in 2 years give or take.

After spending a good hour and half feasting on dim sum and blabbing about our lives we continued wandering through Little Italy in the hypothermic air. We found a cafe that served cheap wine and and mouth watering deserts so we could have another sit down session.

It was a relief that I did not need to fret about being away from Noah knowing he was in good hands. Mathilda's daughter was with her Gamma so we both shared a couple, 'I wonder how my baby is doing...'

To cap off an already stupendous day we met up with the remaining members of FGW 04' - Maria and Ree. We grubbed, reminisced and were silly like it was 04'. We're gully, fierce and
hell ya we know how to roll.

Hapa Baby Palooza ---



(picture left - Maria, Noah, Corinne, Amalia, Malcolm - it aint easy photoging three rambunctious babies!)

I hosted a "mommas and toddlers" afternoon at my apartment(embarrassingly my first). The gal that babysits Noah is a film student and is of mixed race. One of her film projects has been focusing on the mixed race experience - post Vietnam War.

Now that I have Noah in my life I feel like there is so much more to consider when it comes to looking at his racial makeup. I cannot offer the cultural link of the Filipino language, perhaps some words I have picked up and hopefully what Ninong RJ will teach him. I spent my "terrible twenties" investing a lot of my time exposing myself to the Fil-Am experience, which included 3 visits to the Philippines, attending numerous conferences, becoming a youth organizer and Co-founding a website for adult Filipino adoptees.

In some respects I can relate to the hapa experience because my family is white and I struggled for many years to create a positive self identity, embrace my adoption and pride for my Filipina heritage.

One of the many things, I would like to instill in my son is pride of being Filipino, German and Italian. We do not know as much about the European American side of him but this may be an opportunity to research both his maternal and paternal grandparents lineage.

First star sighting for 08'

I was walking with a girlfriend of mine on 3rd Avenue after engorging our faces at the most superb dim sum restaurants outside of Chinatown when from afar I saw a tall man, with his signature bald spot and glasses. Need a hint, he played Goose in Top Gun, was an M.D. on ER and one of his less notable roles was in Revenge of the Nerds. Give up, Anthony Edwards! I have to admit that I am a fan of his.

He was a few yards away from me walking the opposite direction, carrying an Eli's grocery bag in one hand and balancing a box in the other. Beside him were three little girls skipping about and an older woman I can only assume was his wife. I guess I had a star struck expression because he looked back and smiled at me.

I have been known to become extremely giddy when I see an actor, ask any person who has been with me! One of my favorite sightings was Taye Diggs in the Upper West Side and Drew Barrymore in the West Village. I also saw Adrian Grenier in Brooklyn and years ago in JFK airport - Huge Grant.

Going Ga-Ga for GREEN!

My brother and his wife are pregnant and expecting in May! Noah will have a girl cousin very close to his age that he will hopefully be a good role model to --- oh gosh! For now I shall call my future niece Brulee (combination of dad and mom to be first names.)

I offered to organize my sister in law's Recycle (Eco) Baby Shower (RBS), the concept her friend told her about and was also a success. I can think back about on my baby shower last year October and was grateful for all the wonderful gifts but realize that the idea of the RBS could have saved 90% compared to buying new! You have to be smart and informed about good buys.

There are a few months before thinking about the baby shower but I could not help but research information about a Recycle Baby Shower. I can see why some moms to be would want to consider having one. I can say from experience that we received A-L-O-T of baby needs - all new and some unused. The question is what happens to everything that is unused? Many items I did not use made its way to a local thrift store and some needy people.

Planning a baby shower is no easy task especially when it is an untraditional one. I have been skimming through website after website to tailor everything around the RBS theme. From the invitation, games, party favors, cake, and decorations it all has been very educational for me. I also feel like I can tap into my creative/crafty side to make this event memorable.

My Beantown Days: Reminiscing without regrets.












Above: entrance of my old apartment where lived for almost 5 years.

To think I lived in Boston/Allston 10 years ago is mind boggling. I referred to that period of my life as the terrible 20's for a few reasons.

I found Boston to be stifling after a while and part of it was because it is a college city. I lived between Boston College and Boston University. Once you complete your four years everyone moves on and if you choose to stay you start to feel old as younger students replace the departed graduates. Quite honestly I outgrew the small city and was yearning to go to the city that never sleeps!

In retrospect being in a smaller town like Boston was the stepping stone for me when I made the decision to move to gritty/glamorous New York City a few years later. It was also the backdrop of the next 5 years as I started to embrace my identity as an adopted Filipina in America. And not to mention some of the characters I met along the way.

After doing some internet research, I quickly became immersed in Fil-Am student organizing, which sometimes felt like an unpaid job. My first year I was a member of the programming committee for the Filipino Intercollegiate Networking Dialogue (FIND) conference hosted at Harvard University. To this day the 1999 FIND spring conference continues to hold the record for the largest attendance of 1,500 delegates that traveled nationwide to take part in the most unprecedented conference.

Sometimes I felt out of place among the Fil-Ams I became friendly with. Part of it was my insecurity about my adoption, as if I had a disadvantage because I grew up 'more American.' I tried to normalize my feelings by building a collection of books about every aspect of the Philippines and absorbing as much information possible. I also became a frequent flier attending Fil-Am conferences and networking with other Fil-Ams easier made me feel more harmonious with my Filipino counterparts.
















Above: Paradise Club - I used to work here as a coat check girl......why?!
















Above: Quincy, MA - in the eyes of Pedro Magni

The other reason why I visited Boston on one of the coldest days this winter was to meet a fellow adoptee Pedro. He attended my alma mater, University of Massachusetts Boston and one of our mutual professors gave him my information. We met at one of my favorite dim sum restaurants, China Pearl in Chinatown and also drove to Quincy to get a glimpse of his Fil-Am stomping ground.

Driving through Allston into Chinatown was a quick time warp of my Beantown years. It warmed my heart to drive around and see familiar places I used to frequent though other spots have not changed i.e. The Paradise, what a dump! Although I thought of that period of my life negatively I realize it helped define who I am today.

GO REDSOX!

Mid Winter Gathering

Solstice means: standing-still-sun.











Above: My uncle Ron tending to the bonfire

For the last few years my family has celebrated the winter solstice at my aunt and uncle's house in Valatie - upstate New York.

I am not sure how the idea came about but it has been an annual event in which my uncle prepares a bonfire on their property. My aunt provides edibles, spirits and warm drinks such as hot chocolate and hot cider. My contribution has

.been ingredients for s'mores and also getting a little dirty as I probe




What I find fascinating about Winter Solstice is that the earth is closest to the Sun in January than any other month of the year. Something about the tilting of the axis - exact calculation is " 23 degrees and 27 minutes off the perpendicular to the plane of orbit" All the science mumbo jumbo gives me a headache so I will spare myself the pain of explaining it.




Above: My brother Ed and John bringing more fuel for the fire.

In anycase, I hope that Noah will be able to appreciate this event as he becomes older. It is one day in which our ever growing family can become attuned to the astral observance and be with our loved ones.

Creative Holiday crafting

As if I needed another project on my plate, I decided to take on the daunting task of making holiday cards this year. I wanted something more of a keepsake than a card so I made a versatile tree ornament slash decoration.

I chose a family picture from Noah's first birthday and found all the supplies at Michael's, which also included a circle cutter. How crafts have evolved. Perhaps the next time I will make sure the paper is recycled. I went to CVS Photo store and printed out the wallet size pictures - 8 on a sheet for 29 cents.

Despite the long hours of cutting circles, trimming pictures, gluing and writing personal messages on the 20+ cards I felt accomplished and extremely satisfied. It was heartwarming to see the ornaments on their Christmas trees.

I think next year I will think of a less complex design.

Car equals freedom


When you live in a city it does
not make sense to own a car unless you have money and can afford to pay the outrageous
monthly garage fees or parking tickets you are likely to get.

Thanks to my cousin, I joined Zipcar because I have been tired of taking Metro North transit. My friend lives in Nyack, which is 45 minutes outside of the city and I wanted to visit her without the hassle and stress of relying on public transportation, especially with a toddler.

Despite having been lost for an hour I still made it to Nyack with enough time to have a sit down lunch and also go to BJ's Warehouse where I indulged in economy sized things you cannot get in the city.

The picture above is of Malcolm (left) and Noah on our adventure in BJ's.


Some great perks with Zipcar:

- You are given a nifty card that only you can use to access the car,
- They cover gas up to 180 miles FREE,
- Every car has an EZ pass and if you go through a toll it is billed to your credit card,
- You can rent cars from $8-$18/hour,
- They offer different levels of membership if you require a car often or once a month,
- There are a variety of cars and if you want to go luxury rent a bmw, mini or suv,

Concerns:

- Make sure you call the garage in advance to ensure your car does not have any problems i.e. flat tire,
- Do a test run of the car you requested,
- Report any issues of the car to Zipcar,
- If you need a car during the weekend reserve a week or two in advance.

May the force be with you!

I hardly remember what age I was when I first watched Star Wars: Return of the Jedi but I know I was pretty young. My brother's had a collection of figurines from Star Wars that I was not too interested in but do recall playing with them once or twice along with my barbies. I know my mom still has one of the space ships in the attic.

For whatever reason we decided to dress Noah up as Yoda. I figured it was too easy to find one of the cute baby costumes so who was better than the wise one? I originally wanted to dress him up as a turtle but the holiday crept up so quickly we did not find it in time. Since there was a shortage of women from the movie, by default I was Princess Leah. John of course wanted to be Obi Wan Kenobi so the family theme was in full affect.

I went to the Halloween Bazaar in Union Square and even a week before the store was a mob scene. There was a section dedicated to Star Wars characters. I was appalled when I saw the price for the Princess Leah costume, $74 while John's costume was 1/3 of it. I ended up buying the wig of two braided buns and sewed a similar dress together from a white bed sheet. With little time to plan I did not have a chance to fix some minor details but I did save $50 and dabbled in some sewing - a dream of mine.

Halloween has become a multi million business. It was reported that in 2006 an estimated 2.5B was spent on costumes and this year roughly 5B nationally. In the suburbs vacant business warehouses become Halloween Headquarters. Everyone is getting in on the fun - dressing up, carving pumpkins, handing out candy and especially decorations.

We have 365 days to think of what we will dress up as next year!

Family drum circle

About a month and a half ago when Noah started to do his military crawl he would wiggle over to the door that is propped by a djembe drum and knock it over so he could hit his hands on it.

This afternoon, as I was walking with my aunt along the 7th Avenue Street Fair I eyed a much smaller djembe and knew it was a perfect size for Noah.

The moment I handed him the drum he vigorously pounded on it with elation. We have been buying other musical toys for him like maracas and a castanet that his Aunt Loralee bought for him. I failed miserably when it came to musical instruments. I tried the piano but did not have enough patience, the flute only lasted a year though I guess if you count a recorder - I was pretty good at that!

The best peeler ever!

The first time John and I came across this guy was in the winter of 2006. He had the same set up as you see in the picture although he was sitting in the Time's Square station along the wall of the tiled hallway. The man and a faint accent although we quickly learned that he was from Switzerland. Maybe it was his kind face, or European accent that convinced us to buy one of his vegetable peelers, or that his product sold itself.


By the mounds of potato and carrot peelings filled in the plastic boxes he had been there a while. A small group of walker byers were curious and surrounded him as he was giving a live demonstration. He was finishing up with a potato and onto a carrot.

What sold me was that there was a side knife to gouge out potato eyes and also used to carve out lines to make star shaped cucumber or carrot chips. It also helped that the cost of this peeler was a mere $5. I immediately shuffled through my bag to find my wallet. Once in hand I could not wait to put it to use. Known as the Rex-Swiss-Peeler, ' The Original Swiss Peeler', the handle works best for me as someone with smaller hands.

I was happy to run into the peeler man only this time in Union Square. I could not help but buy 5 for $20 - a great steal!

We all have a little country in us.

Durham Fair, CT
http://www.durhamfair.com/content/44/default.aspx

In high school my friends and I would trek to the North Haven Fair, Orange Fireman's Fair and the Durham Fair in Connecticut; all of which fell between August and September. Who could not resist the amusement rides, cotton candy, and fried dough with tomato sauce?! My favorite ride was the Zipper, a two minute ride that jolted every inch of your body and was one of the best adrenaline rush!

My sister in law mentioned that the last day of the Durham Fair (in Durham. CT) was coming up and I couldn't pass the chance to go for old time sake. Though, since I was going with Noah I would not have a chance to ride the Zipper, not this time at least. There was an abundance of other attractions to keep us busy.

The rush of excitement as we were taking the shuttle bus to the fair grounds had me giddy even as I was pinned between Noah in his car seat and the rest of the stroller. With tickets in hand we were ready to conquer all.

We walked through the large warehouses of livestock that included - goats, poultry, rabbits, llamas, swine, sheep, dairy cattle. There was also competative arts and crafts exhibits, vegetables, canning, baking, needle work and so on. I can't wait until Noah is old enough to appreciate the Fair for all of its glory.

It would not be a fair without all the food vendors. We indulged in an onion flower, fried dough, root beer float and also had to force ourselves not to let our temptations get out of hand considering the food was pricey.

Next time we will have to allot more time to see everything! Can't wait for next year!

Durham Fair 2008 - http://www.durhamfair.com/

Losing it

My girlfriend asked me a few years ago to go to West African dance class in New Haven. I went on a couple occasions but because I lived in Boston at the time I did not continue to go. Five years later I finally took the plunge and have been going one a week in Manhattan.

At about 6 months I felt like I was going stir crazy being around Noah and not having as much interaction with adults. I was at my breaking point, being a stay at home mom, having little time to enjoy any independence and have any physical activities such as running or dancing. Luckily, John's mom started coming into the city to watch Noah. This allowed some well needed me time.

I slowly overcame the concern of leaving Noah with other people and mustered myself to find a babysitter in July. She is a high school student, somewhat young but her reference said she was very responsible for her age. The first couple times were nerve racking; her phone battery died one night we were at a concert in Central Park so we ended up leaving early. Her mom was willing to stay with her a couple times until we felt comfortable. Now that her daughter is back in school she watches Noah every Wednesday.

With my Wednesday nights free I go to my West African dance class in Union Square. I consider it the W. African version of Tai Bo. The first 30 minutes are concentrated on ab work and then we go through the choreography of the routine. I've been told Tyra Banks also goes to the same class but on a different day.

It has been a couple months already and I am more confident. I feel revived after each class; my tank shirt drenched in sweat and my muscles panging from exerting my body. Maybe I will try belly dancing next!

Going mental.........

After some disagreements over whether Noah needed a helmet I eventually gave in. John and I noticed around 3 months that his head was flatter on one side. Our pediatrician said it was normal and instructed us to wedge his head and alternate sides for the next few months. It was not so easy since Noah had a tendency to immediately shift on his back.

It turns out that Noah has something called, plagiocephaly, 'a condition characterized by an asymmetrical distortion (flattening of one side) of the skull. It is a common finding at birth and may be the result of a restrictive intrauterine environment. If there is premature union of skull bones, this is more properly called craniosynostosis.'

He has to wear the helmet 23 hours a day. During the 1 hour he is not required to have it on we need to wipe down the foam lining with alcohol and give him a bath. His hair tends to wreak of alcohol combined with his sweat.

I resisted at first, knowing that the helment brings more attention to Noah. Living in such a big city with hundreds of kids I thought I would see other babies though to this day I have not. People stare a little longer than they should, kids point and there is an occassional curious person who does ask what the helmet is for. I realize though that it makes him look cuter!
Two more months to go!

BIRTHDAY! A great way to get old and new friends together!

I was never one for wanting to having a 'huge' birthday bash. If people were around I would ring them and figure out something fun to do. Actually, I barely remember what I have done for past birthdays! From 03-05' I was in the Philippines.

Last year, I had the surprise party of my life and have to give a HUGE kudos to John for setting it up with the help of Kebin. Sadly, the Frying Pan restaurant that we ate at at the pier. It was demolished last fall but the feast we had will forever be in our memories.

After looking through the New York magazine, I read about a new Filipino restaurant near Union Square. Pistahan restaurant specializes in dishes called 'Bicol Express', which is best known for using coconut milk or cream in many of their dishes - other wise known as gata in Filipino.

The food turned out to be delicious and thank gosh for family style eating though generally I prefer to have my own dish!. We ate Chicharron Bulaklak (literally "crispy flowers" or fried chicken intestine), Lumpiang Shanghai (very thin and short spring rolls), Lumpiang Sariwa (vegetables in crepe), Pancit Canton (chinese egg noodles with sprouts, chicken, garlic), Ginataang Sari Sari (mixed Filipino vegetables with coconut milk), Daing Na Bangus (boneless deep fried milkfish servced with vinegar and soy sauce), Chicken Adobo (chicken slow cooked in soy sauce, vinegar, garlich and pepper corn), ube (purple yam) and mango ice cream.

Pistahan ($$) 229 1st Ave, New York 10003 Btwn 13th & 14th street Phone: 212-228-9000

Of course, the unexpected gifts were also just as good! I received the most spectacular rainbow obsidian rock I have ever seen by my girl Rudy. Boy Rudy gave me a children's book in Filipino and English while I turned down his offer to give me the movie - The Piano and I am also looking forward to going to a Broadway show thanks to John!!

Here is a toast to finally reaching my 30's!

Paintball - bringing out the combat fighter in me.

I will say that paintball is obviously not for everyone.

The wife of John's friend organized the paintball for her husband's birthday.
Our group was small so I could not imagine if we had more people. After suiting up I was primed to take action. It is fascinating how an activity like this brings out the fighter in you. Each round was 5 minutes long and after the first one my adrenaline was high. It did cross my mind how thankful I was not to be in the military considering how scary it was to be hit by a paintball.

As one of three girls and outnumbered by the boys it seemed like we had to prove our strength and capabilities to them. After one round of boys versus girls we were triumphant and I know they were startled to the point of seeking retribution. This is when tension began to escalate and I witnessed more aggression from the guys.

The rules of paintball are that if you run out of ammo you raise your arms to exit the 'battle grounds' and no one is to shoot at you. If you are 5 yards from the opponent they are supposed to surrender and retreat. No shooting at the face or 10 yards from the opponent. The team who has the last man standing is victorious.

I found myself crawling and tumbling to areas protected by cushioned barriers. I did get shot at while I clearly surrendered, shot in the face and even while I was walking out of the room and I noticed my hostility was on the rise. I realized that in the moments of combat our ability to remember the rules were hard to control.

In the end we all apologized for the mishaps and compared our battle wounds. I had a nice welt on my neck, which luckily did not bruise. On the other hand I did get a beautiful purple tattoo on the back of my arm for a couple days. John had two big marks on his chest even after wearing the chest protector!

Rockin in the Rockies
Filipino Heritage Camp
Frasier, CO


This is my third summer traveling to the Rockies to volunteer as a counselor at the Filipino Heritage Camp.

FHC was developed for children adopted from the Philippines and their families to spend a weekend to meet other adoptees, learn about their Filipino heritage/culture and also have lots of FUN.

I found FHC on a web search and thought it would be a wonderful opportunity to travel west and especially meet other adoptees. Some of the same kids have attended the camp and were familiar faces this summer. Difference was they are now in high school and no longer the rugrats they were 6 years ago.

Interestingly, when I visited the Philippines for my first time in 1998 I met up with a group of adoptees and their parents on a Motherland Tour. Those same people coincidentally were also part of FHC so it was quite a reunion to see them at the camp. I accompanied them to all the orphanages they were adopted from.

There were families old and new - some came from California, Indiana and Ohio to the 3 day camp. I was taken aback how grown up all the kids are since I saw them in 2004. They definitely kept me on my toes but I loved every moment of trying to keep up with them. One night we played speed ball - water polo with out the water. My legs were pulsing the following day.

Noah is a great baby to travel with. He was a little chatty on the plane but otherwise was wonderful - both ways.

Thankfully, John was helpful and looked after Noah while I spent time with the high school kids. He spent time with the Filipinos who cooked our Filipino meals and spoke to the Titas who could not keep their hands off of Noah.

I know in future years Noah will benefit from the cultural aspect of the camp and I want to make sure he is exposed to all things Filipino.

After years of making excuses not to go to dance classes I finally went to a West African class with my friend at the Djoniba studio near Union Square. He preferred Afro-Brazilian and I can understand why. As we walked into the studio the advanced class was just finishing up. The pounding rhythms of the djembe and other instruments could be heard from the elevator. The percussion alone had my heart racing and as I walked to look through the studio window my excitement grew even more.

At the end of each class students line up in rows to go through the routine they just learned. Arms were flailing, bodies gyrating along to the drums and I was about to spend the next hour and half exerting my body in ways I have not done since my days playing sports.

I have a long way to go to learn the basic movements but looking forward to get back into shape.


Some tips:
Djoniba offers a free trial class for new members;
Wear loose clothes - the air circulation in the studios is limited;
Bring a water bottle!

From a very young age, as early as 3 weeks Noah would place his thumb between his index and middle finger (just like, 'got your nose'). I happened to stumble across a boutique called Buzz Brazil on Lexington while I was strolling him.

I was admiring some jewelery and noticed the pendant pictured to the left. Not knowing what it was I asked the sales person and she told me it was a figa. The figa comes from age old African myth that the clenched fist brings good luck to those who wear it. It is said to have arrived to Brazil in the 27th century during the slave trade though was believed to be a fertility symbol. It has since been embraced by both men and women but no longer with the significance of fertility. In order for it to bring luck it must be given as a gift.

I guess I will have to wait until Noah is old enough to wear it so I can give it to him!